Woke this morning thinking again on the youth pastor of my own youth - Erik Latoni - who at that time was a young seminarian at Drew University here in NJ. How the memory of his "way of being in the world" stuck with me, even though he was only my pastor for about a year. I was 17 when I lost touch with him, only to find him here again on facebook about 30 years later.
How fun it was - after 30 years - to be able to trade funny common stories again about that year in our youth. The stories he knew - which I did not at the time - about my Pop's comically sinister ways of being protective of me when I was out of earshot. How he would stealthily pull my dates aside and put the fear of God into them. The crazy remarks he would make under his breath - the kind that would cause people's eyes to pop. The dopey things I did - and the teenage angst I had, as all teenagers do - in my wonder years - that Erik was present to help me navigate.
In recent days I find that Erik has lost his mother, who was one of his beloved mentors, his touchstones in his life. I did not get the chance to meet her. But I suspect I knew her very well.
I never know how to comfort others at times of profound loss, since we each have such unique needs at those moments in life. But I know how losing my father felt for me, and I know a little about how it felt for my mother and brothers.
I am nothing, if not a lifelong STEM nerd struggling to figure out how to reconcile my sense of spirituality/faith with my innate desire for evidentiary support.
Physics seems to be a place where I can make sense, oddly enough. Nobody is pointing at me and saying, "You cannot have both, you must choose!". I prefer outside the box thinking at times of such inner soul quandaries. All that "you have to choose" just seems so ridiculous and "zero sum game" to me. I myself - I am a nerd of the Nash Equilibrium variety. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUgwM1Ky228
I hope this physics spin on faith somehow brings Erik and his family some comfort. If not, maybe it will somehow comfort someone else who is trying to find their way through loss, through being asked to choose, and who could use an open door someplace in life. http://thankgodforevolution.com/node/1960
Thank you, Erik's Mom - through your son Erik - for leaving some helpful footprints in my soul while you were here. While your energy was organized into the form of a human. I guess I'll be seeing your energy pop up someplace else soon? Keep me posted about this, OK? I am curious.
